How to Rest When You Don’t Feel Like You Deserve It

As a working woman who grew up as the oldest of three, I often feel that rest eludes me. Perhaps it’s cultural, but growing up as the “example” for your younger siblings can make even everyday tasks like washing dishes a performance. But you don’t have to be the oldest child to feel the spotlight on your every waking move. Various parts of our identity clash to create our unique persona of hard-working–parent, employee, creative, first-generation college student, immigrant, and so on. 

Despite our smorgasbord of different experiences, feeling shame about rest is pretty universal. There is something about work that we conflate with our very selves, making rest impossible to become acquainted with–let alone befriend. My goal for this article is to help us build a deeper understanding and relationship with rest, and provide actionable tips to practice–not perform–proper rest.

Resting vs. Numbing

It’s one of those days at work. You trudge your way to your car (or your couch if you work remotely) and sit in complete silence. Even your favorite music feels like a gong reverberating in your brain. At home, your pantry beckons you, inviting you to the family-size bag of Sour Cream and Onion Lays you inevitably destroy on a day like this. The routine is almost second nature. Bag of chips, check. TV show in the background, check. Blanket and/or fuzzy friend, check. Let the doomscrolling begin. 

Hey, there’s no judgment here. That first paragraph is a snapshot of my typical Sunday night. I used to believe this was restful until I realized I wasn’t actually feeling rested. Instead, I felt numb. Let me preface this by saying that numbing is not “bad.” But when it becomes a routine, it is a way of our body or spirit telling us, “I’m in pain, and I don’t want to feel pain right now.” 

This quote by Brené Brown, a researcher on all things shame and vulnerability, sums it up nicely: 

“You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other effects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.”

I am not anti-beers and banana nut muffins. But I, and everyone at Passion Planner, are pro-you living fulfilled and nourishing lives. After all, one cannot live on beers and banana nut muffins alone.

Different Types of Tired

Before practicing rest, we have to identify the types of “tired.” Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re tired, so a review of the symptoms might be in order. 

Physical Tired

• Overexerting yourself during a workout or physical activity
• Recovering from an illness or fighting off a cold
• Experiencing fatigue from your menstrual cycle or other hormonal changes

Emotional Tired

• Constantly navigating challenging personal relationships or conflicts
• Feeling overwhelmed by grief, sadness, or disappointment
• Experiencing emotional burnout from caregiving or supporting others

Sensory Tired

• Being overstimulated by loud environments, bright lights, or constant noise
• Spending hours in front of a screen without breaks
• Feeling drained from constant exposure to crowded, busy spaces

Mental Tired

• Juggling multiple projects or managing complex plans
• Struggling to focus after a long day of decision-making or intense concentration
• Overloading your brain with information from reading, research, or learning

Spiritual Tired

• Feeling disconnected from your sense of purpose or beliefs
• Struggling to find meaning or fulfillment in daily life
• Experiencing inner conflict about values or direction in life

Social Tired

• Attending too many social events in a short time, leaving little time for solitude
• Engaging in constant conversations or interactions without downtime
• Feeling drained from maintaining a persona or "people-pleasing" behavior

Creative Tired

• Facing a creative block after producing a large amount of work
• Running out of fresh ideas after pushing your creative limits
• Feeling uninspired or burned out from prolonged creative projects or brainstorming

Different Types of Rest

Physical Rest

• Incorporate gentle movement or restorative walks between intense workouts
• Prioritize quality sleep and drink lots of water
• Indulge in a warm bath or shower 

Emotional Rest

• Journal or check-in with yourself to identify your emotional needs
• Release the emotions you’re holding: cry, scream into a pillow, dance
• Let yourself lean on a friend to process emotions without having to “fix” anything

Sensory Rest

• Have a screen-free day or turn on the grayscale setting on your phone 
• Soothe yourself with noise-canceling headphones, a candle, and a fuzzy blanket
• Carve out time for solitude or quiet walks in nature

Mental Rest

• Skip a day of planning–you will survive!
• Practice the Pomodoro Method and take intentional breaks between work sessions
• Enjoy a mindless hobby like coloring or building Legos

Spiritual Rest

• Engage in meditation, prayer, or another spiritual activity
• Volunteer or participate in a cause that aligns with your values
• Spend time with a counselor or community that share your beliefs 

Social Rest

• Schedule intentional time alone to recharge in your planner
• Cancel or reschedule plans for a day where you’ll have the ability to be present
• Surround yourself with people who allow you to be authentically yourself

Creative Rest

• Take a creative pause and step way from your project for a little while
• Immerse yourself in a different creative outlet without the pressure to produce
• Practice creative consumption like listening to music, watching films, or reading

You Deserve to Rest

“Deserve” is such a loaded word. It reinforces a meritocracy that somehow, whatever word follows it, is something we must earn. Rest is not a gold medal for a job well done. It is a vital part of being human and living a fulfilling, vibrant life. A life that, I believe, everyone deserves. 

AUTHOR BIO

Paula Palomar is a Digital Marketing Copywriter who loves using words to uplift the messaging of mission-driven companies and organizations. In her spare time, you’ll find her practicing yoga or eating churros at Disneyland.